Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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