Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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