Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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