you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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