i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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