So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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