Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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