addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
