ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
