That's when you crack a 10am beer
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
