My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
