I can tuck mytits in my pants
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
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Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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