hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
