So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
