I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
