Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
