Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
