My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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