I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The feeling are messing with the penis
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
