absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
