Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
