You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
