what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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