Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
