if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
