I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
