his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
