I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
