I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
