Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
