Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
