We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
