You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
