Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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