I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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