New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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