I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
