So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize