just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
