Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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