So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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