I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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