we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
