I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
