You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
