Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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