watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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