Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
