I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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