i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
