The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
