just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
