I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
