As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
