you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
