Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
