I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
