NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
