So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
