What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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