you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just pee around me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
