Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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