Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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