I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
