I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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