Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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