I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
