It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize