Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
