The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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