the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
