dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
