Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize